Classes are growing cumbersome. Sunglasses and sandals have multiplied. Spring fever is spreading. A light at the end of the tunnel is finally visible. That guy with the Adult Swim T-shirt whom no one talked to for the past 4 years is now looking pretty good to all the ladies once they have see how many great jobs he’s being offered. The tides of graduation are upon us. It’s time to celebrate.
Graduating college means it’s time for graduation parties. Coincidentally, it also means consummation, pride, maturity, evolution, and hope. Nevertheless, mostly, it means parties.
There are bound to be a myriad of controlled substance fueled barnburners around graduation day. Everyone has a friend with a name like Timbo or Animal that is renting a houseboat or a cabin or a hotel suite and packing it so full of booze and metaphorical barrels of gunpowder that the party will be a night no one can forget or remember.
When it comes to planning one’s graduation party it’s important to make it meaningful and classy. Let Timbo be an animal. Throw the kind of party an adult who just became learned would throw.
Here are some tips on how to party like a grownup.
The graduation party should also honor those who supported the graduate. Celebrate those who are just as happy about this accomplishment as the graduate is. This means grandparents, aunts, moms, dads, and anyone who ever helped pay your bills. It’s also important to invite a few close friends, as for most, college was an adventure shared more by friends then family. Just don’t forget to invite Nana before you invite the guy that got his nickname from smashing bottles on his own head.
Save some cash by throwing the party at home or save on calories spent by throwing the party at a restaurant or a bar. This depends on budget and opportunity cost. If the expendable cash is available then go for a yacht. Yacht parties are the best.
It’s a party. Don’t skimp on the shrimp. Don’t botch the nosh. Don’t swerve on the hors d’oeuvre. Don’t relax on the snacks. Don’t rhyme too much or people will get jealous of how good you are at it. Also, those little cocktail weenies in the sweet, spicy sauce are the business- buy tons of those.
Remember, people want to eat, it fills up awkward gaps in conversation.
Go easy on the spirits. That’s important. If your family likes to drink then by all means get some cocktails and some wine going but try not to puke on Nana. Alcohol will literally damage the cells of the very brain you just spent thousands of dollars educating.
Here is a list of things one might want to consider when throwing a graduation party:
- Hall and Oates. It’s almost impossible to have that many hits.
- Pie instead of cake. Cake is easier to decorate but pie has more vitamins in it. (This statement has not been approved by the FDA or Be in the Know).
- If your parents are divorced make sure that they are both invited but don’t put them at the same table. Unless they want to be at the same table. In that case, you should listen to them because they are your parents and they are older then you. So put them at the same table already. Geez.
- Take pictures!
- Wear the cap and gown during the entire party and never take it off. Continually remind people that just because it’s a gown don’t mean you’re not a boy. If you are a girl, say the same thing.
- Do NOT summon the Graduation Gnomes.
- Thank you notes, thank you notes, thank you notes. This is important, polite, mature, and the right thing to do.
- If you have any mind blowing secrets or news to surprise the family with- seconds after blowing out the candles on your graduation pie- is the perfect time to do it.